Hello my friends!
Hope you had a great Sunday!
Did you remember to turn your clocks back??
I have to say. The energy is endless, let me tell ya! So much so, that I have several people every day telling me I should probably start smoking again because I am too much to handle. And THAT, friends, is what has plagued me my entire life.
I AM BOISTEROUS.
My entire life, I show up to work or friendly gathering and I hear, “Dude, I can’t handle you right now.” or some variation of that theme.
Over the years, my habit of consuming cannabis has been both recreational and medical. But more than anything? It dimmed my light. It put my personality in a box. It “calmed” me down. Whether it be the simple fact that at a scientific level, cannabis is a depressant or it was the paranoia that if I was too boisterous people would simply attribute it to being high, and discredit the person I am at my core, it dimmed my light.
I shall no longer dim that light. The feeling of being me, is a feeling that cannot be rivaled. Being “unapologetically me” is what I want in this world. The confidence to simply be me, is all that I desire in this world.
I am a helper.
I am a healer.
I am a protagonist.
I want the best for the world.
I want the best for every individual.
That giant personality is generally present with the intent of being a good mood catalyst. Unfortunately, when I get caught in a bad mental space, I can also be a negative mood catalyst. I am trying to take this clear mind and be conscious of the feeling every moment of my day. I have been better about being stoic, about not having knee-jerk reaction, and being able to be present to hear somebody else out.
I am actually tired as well, but not anywhere near the tired of a 4 pm crash after being high. I think I may actually get some good sleep tonight. I have been up late every night this month, simply because I wasn’t tired at all. I have laid in bed at 2 am, in the dark, staring at the ceiling wide awake. After several days of this, plus the Daylight Savings Time Change, I think I might be able to just get a solid 8 hours!
I hope you have a wonderful Monday, as well as a wonderful week!
PS- IT’S SNOWING!!!!!