I’m going to have a really hard time not writing an entire book right now, at 3:40 am.
I really cannot express the gratitude that I have for this present moment. I don’t know how it’s even possible to get all of my points out, so we will do our best.
Well, first things first, WORK! It was a great, light-hearted day at work. Things went quite smoothly, and the mood was pretty playful. One of my first moments happened somewhat early in the morning. I had this wildly authentic experience with another human being. Out of nowhere, this man confides in me. He tells me that he is taking steps in his life. Similar to myself, he told me that he feels he may be on the verge of a drinking problem. Not drinking all the time, but on occasion drinking more than necessary. He knows NOTHING about my story, or my history, yet feels compelled to confide in me. Furthermore, he shares that I am one of the first people that he has even told….wow. Really? He continued to share that I simply have been nice to him, and that I have made him feel that comfortable enough to share. wow… speechless. After a moment I share a part of my past with him, as well as the current life changes that I am taking on this month. It as an incredibly real, organic moment in my life.
This isn’t someone close to me. This isn’t someone that simply feels obliged to tell me these things. This gentleman saw me as a resource. The resource that I have always wanted to be, but could never find the strength to walk the path of. Now that I am walking on this path, the situations have presented themselves.
I had about 2 hours of free time alone today. During this time, I called a company to file a customer complaint. First time that I use their services or products, and had one of the worst experiences of my life. After a lengthy conversation vocalizing my feelings, they actually refunded my purchase, while I still kept the product. Damn. I literally have never had that happen. I expressed how upset I was by the experience, and had several supporting details regarding multiple courses of action that may have prevented this from going so far.
What a different approach to my previous way of handling things.Must better than smoking a bowl and saying, “Ah, oh well, it was only $30, why bother making a fuss about it?”
Vocalize. Feel the weight lift from your shoulders, and the breath escape from my chest.
After this, I went to volunteer again with SOS. Tonight’s event? Gifts for Troops. A donation event in which we stand in Walmart for an hour and a half, and ask people to generously buy items for us to ship to our troops over seas. Did you feel the anxiety raise? Yeah, not something I would ever feel comfortable with. Ugh, this is going to be challenging. Much to my surprise, it was a blast! Watching, and helping, kids approach strangers and ask for help is something extraordinary. Being able to help talk to patrons entering the building myself, was also a point of growth for me personally. It was one of the purest acts I have witnessed in awhile. It helped me break down some serious barriers in my mind.
You can literally just walk up to people and talk to them. A good 90% of people stopped and gave us the time to talk to them! Seriously. You had the people that were visibly anxious, or in a rush, but for the large majority people wanted to help! It was seriously heart-warming. I actually had to choke some tears of joy at some points.
Don’t forget, today is Tuesday! So what does that mean? PROST!! Open mic night!!! Joe and I have been jamming a ton lately and feeling super comfortable. So, we planned to play open mic. Just drum and bass. Even more, NO PLAN. literally, fully improvisation!! Crazy right? Literally we are just going to set up our equipment, and simply play whatever we feel in the moment. 2 hours of other music and socializing, and now it is our turn.
We get all ready to go, Joe starts sound checking a beat, so I just jump on it! We start groovin, HARD. By the end of the first jam, the entire room is invested in the moment. Then I tell them all, we didn’t plan any of that!!! So for the remainder of time, I roll with the shtick. I joke about how we are playing our next rehearsed song. Then I joke about the next song being on our full-length release that came out a few months ago. Literally, all of it was completely off the top of the head. We were in this wonderful place of pure joy. The entire room jumped head first into that feeling. The inhibitions of the room fell through the floor, and the smiles on everyone’s faces raised through the ceiling. It was one of the best experiences of pure love filling a room, that I have EVER experienced!!
Afterwords, I ended up talking to about 10-15 people about life. I had announced my clean month during our time on stage, so it became quite the conversation starter for the entire bar. I got to have some pretty introspective conversations because of that. I had conversations that typically don’t occupy the inside of a bar. It was authentic. It was charming. It was benevolent.
After words, Joe and I had a good 2 hour conversation in my driveway. We got into some pretty deep space regarding self-awareness, dealing with emotions rather than coping, and holding ourselves accountable, among other things. It is simply amazing to see when the light bulb pops up in someones mind. People always talk about change. They complain life isn’t different.
BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO CHANGE IT?????
This is the thought that I would like to leave you with.
Do you want to change your life?
If that answer is no, kudos to you! You are living the dream!
If that answer is yes?
WHAT IS STOPPING YOU?