Challenges of life.

I don’t know where to start. So I just will.
Currently, this is me.
Some of you have noticed, as well as reached out to me.
The truth is.
I haven’t been doing well.
At all.
The past two months I have found myself trapped.
Trapped within my mind.
Trapped within my body.
Trapped within my emotions.
There have certainly been bright spots, I haven’t been void of any happiness, but it has been a struggle.
I have been battling my demons daily.
I have been struggling with depression daily.
Some days it takes me 3 hours to get out of bed.
Some days I can’t even bring myself to do that much.
If I don’t tell anyone, how will they ever know?
How will they ever know how much pain is inside.
How will they ever feel like they aren’t alone.
I feel so lost and devoid of purpose in my life right now.
I feel like I so blatantly lack any value in this world and it’s eating me alive.
This is not a post for pity.
This is not a post for charity.
This IS a post to tell the ones I love how I feel.
This IS a post to ask for support from that who choose to.
This IS a way that I choose to take the next step.
There is SO much pain.
I will not give up.
I will walk, run, crawl, scratch, and claw my way forward.
And if I cannot, I will lay here until I have the energy for a single step.
I’m so sorry to the people that have needed me.
I’m so sorry that I couldn’t locate my best self.
I’m so sorry that I have paralyzed myself mentally.
I am not sorry for being vulnerable.
I am not sorry for being different.
I am not sorry that I am who I am.
I just wish that I could wake up.
I just wish that I could shake myself.
But…it’s not that simple.
For some reason, I always rise to the hardest path.
So here I am, broken and depressed.
Telling all those that care.
That I will not give up.
I will try to get myself back to the high frequency that I have been blessed to experience in the past.
If you have read this much, I thank you.
I thank you for sharing this space with me, even if only for a moment.
I hope to get back to giving some love back to myself so I can share more of it with the world.
I love you all.

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