3:43 AM

What am I doing?

I laid down about 3 hours ago. Time for bed…right?

But..I’m still awake. Maybe it’s my mind, maybe it’s the neighbors having sex.

Well, my mind likes to be active in the middle of the night.

So, action it is.

I just rearranged my room. Moved my computer to a new location. This new setup will be more efficient and allow me to be more productive. Thus, I am writing right now. Must be a step in the right direction.

Action.

I have so many thoughts, it’s hard to distill them. Often, I use an audio recording on my phone to get my thoughts out quicker. For some reason, I really like to type as well. My issue is that when I record my speech, I have a hard time going back and boiling it down into written word. This is one of many things I am working on personally.

I am going to get back up on the horse.

I am beginning right now.

No more silence.

I will be blogging daily, even if it is dry as hell.

I have played around with the idea of a daily journal. I want to be better at documenting as I go. There are SO many things that happen, that I can never circle back and reflect on all of it.

I remember….

I remember the days that I came from bartending at Buffalo Wild Wings 4 years ago. It would be 3 am some nights, and STILL, I sat down and scribbled my thoughts on to a piece of paper. It was the best feeling I have ever had.

I remember recording videos.

I remember playing shows.

I remember creating.

I miss that feeling…

I have fallen into a pit of despair lately, otherwise known as depression.

I have so many demons.

I have so many dreams.

I constantly feel like I lack value.

Well, let’s be frank.

WHAT HAVE I DONE LATELY?

I say a whole lot…..

I want to be a musician
I want to be an author
I want to be a public speaker
I want….
I want….

BUT

What the fuck have I done to get myself further down any of those roads?

I have rode my bike thousands and thousands of miles.

Is it a distraction? It is healthy? I question it every day.

I do love it. The feeling is amazing.

But….every second I spend there, reduces the time spent on those 3 goals.

Maybe I haven’t been ready.

Maybe I have been afraid.

Maybe, maybe, maybe?

Honestly, I really am not sure.

These are just the thoughts in my mind. I do not own them, and I do not have to identify with them. They simply give me things to consider.

At the end of the day? This is Cathartic. It’s a form of processing for me.

I, enjoy, it.

This serves as the post I can come back to when I start to wonder from this path.

This is going to be the most raw writing moving forward.

I intend to be vulnerable.

If you read this far, thank you.

I am curious about your thoughts.

If you care to share them with me, then leave a comment below, or send me an e-mail at thoughts@patricklinfante.com

It is now 4:11 am. I am going to see if I can get some shuteye now that I purged some of these thoughts.

Cheers to you all!

-P:Lin
#smallvictories

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